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the roux

Projects that I start – that I finish – that I quit – that fizzles – that excites. I feel like everything these days, probably… just like the rest of you, eludes me to what will peak my interest – keep my interest – or loose my interest. Or so I used to believe.

Wether you believe it or not, I’m much more focussed since my dietary change to Whole Food – Plant Based. I’m precise yet calm. Although, I felt I was before. The thing is, when your state becomes your norm, you think your normal. It’s quite clear we find ruts that become perceived as the way things are. A complete misinterpretation due to our minds and bodies inundated with poison still to this day believed to be acceptable. Or at least touted through media and popular culture, medicine, and animal agriculture propaganda as fuel we require.

I’m left making sense of all the different avenues I travelled down. Not really wanting to leave any of them in the past. I find myself juggling them all equally as I bring them further to completion. They all lead into each other and to bigger stories, so I feel I kinda have to. I do find myself up to it now too!

What about the ones I quite and can’t pick back up? Some great projects I dove right into and made some pretty sweet advancements. Projects that are no longer in my possession or no longer in existence. A beautiful 1984 VW GTi for example. Definitely a project car. One I imersed myself in. Designed a clean Recaro seat and had stitched up. A completely custom mk1 bezel chop and amalgamation of a VR cluster to accommodate the VR6 under the hood. Body work. Wrap and period specific graphics. Slimmed aluminum Bumpers and so on. With so much into it I decided to stop, sell and move on. How about another example. Jumped into upholstery. Head first with a tough mk6 GTI Recaro seat recover. Did the drivers seat twice just to get it right. Sold the car. Didn’t proceed.

Here in my writing might be the answer. I’ve heard said, “In art theres craft and in craft theres art. The craftsman looks for perfection and the artist pushes expression.” I’ve spent my time as an “adult”?! becoming part of the working world making things that please people. My mind really turns from instinct and creation. Pay the bills or free my mind though? Taught to pay the bills so guess we know how most months end.

I Couldn’t see this before. I Couldn’t see a lot before. Before Whole Food – Plant Based. So lets bring this jump around story together. I need to be able to be expressionistic. Yet, in the past, doing this through more crafts and skills was something that fell short for me because perfection was and is required. A contrast to what really satisfies me even though meticulous detail is something I have the patience for. I couldn’t see this as I was battling my body and my mind through every adventure. Now I’m positive about who I am. Healthier then I ever thought someone could be. Pulling all my current adventures into a pot. Sampling each one equally to find a balance to the roux. Keeping time to express myself. Providing enough craft for survival. Above all, not concerning myself too much with anything, as to not pick up Charlie when he comes around for attention and purr in my arms.

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