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Am I Giving

One moment a situation is presented and I have what another needs and no thought is present. Just a transfer of energy. In another moment a situation arises and I’m full of thought deciding what I can give and how to give and if they need this gift and… we’ll you get the idea. My head is found full of thought. In these situations I know I’m heavy. I know I’m of too much thought. I know not the gift that I give is of requirement.

The other day I drove by a woman sitting in a park that appeared to be homeless but I was not sure. At this time I did not at all feel clear but the opposite. Full of thought. After deciding I must walk up to her and put myself out there I drove back around and stopped and had the thought that I could afford a large bottle of water. I had plenty of cash in my pocket but I have been in a slow time financially and the thoughts of holding that money to set things right over powered my mind at that moment. I walked up to this woman who was sitting, looking away from me. As I got closer she turned and without looking at me said she did not want the water. Not even seeing me carrying the water. I said ok. There’s a powerful lesson here and my mind is still to full to see it but she saw it. She needed not even to use her eyes to see it. I did not ask if I could give her some money or help her in any way. I just walked away.

I was left empty but I know I was left empty at my own devise. I had spent the past month thinking I wanted more money in my pocket so I could give more and when a moment arises, I had been without for long enough, I found myself holding it. I see how the construct weighs on us and we must find more calm to break down the pressures of this “society” to keep a helping hand ready.

This moment is important and is clarity. That is, if I choose to pay attention. I find the overwhelming emotion of being lost when I’m thinking about what I have and how it takes care of me outside each moment. I have depth and strength when I take everything I have at any given moment and utilize it in that specific moment. Our construct world or society does not aid in this and here I find the battle. I’ve spent years breaking down the pressures of this world and now I see this world falling to reveal relief. A relief we all may or may not embrace. Guess it depends if your paying attention.

Published inbreathfearless