I did not fail but I did miss the mark.
The other day, while installing a mural downtown, a young gentleman asked me for help. This man was in a rush, had cash but no card to pay for parking. He asked if I could pay his parking and held the cash in his hand. $13 was the ask. I knew my credit card was maxed, and both my debit cards were bordering empty. I apologized to him and let him know I could not. I told him I truly felt for him and he said it’s ok and indicated he had to run back. He was then gone.
I was called to help. I chose to say no. It’s true, I may not have been able to. I chose no though instead of, I’ll try.
Breaking down patterns and thought processes of this old construct world doesn’t necessarily happen with the snap of a finger. As I see what I did, I know I can make better next time.
This one stayed with me though. It stayed as I truely felt I had moved so far past thinking for myself that I would always try.
The insight is that we have to try in every moment. It’s never ending and this is what’s so beautiful. Effort to help or to try to help is not exhausting or bothersome but it is effort.