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focus eh

Here, just now, I deleted a couple paragraphs of what could have been some really nice information pertaining to wrapping vehicles. My focus isn’t there though, so lets dive deeper. A colour change of a vehicle is a craft. Kinda a boring one at that. Three days of teardown, clean, prep and wrap, tuck and trim then resemble. Something beautiful arrises but my mind feels its lost time. I guess as far as my mind is concerned, I require depth, creativity in expression and the risk of failure. If I fail at a colour change its due to the material, environment or vehicle condition. Something obviously repairable at the time. When I talk “failure”… true failure to me is pushing whats possibly creative in my mind with the chance my vision could fall flat in execution. Its happened. people don’t see it, so thats a good thing I guess. I’m my judge, so… happy I still provide to the public what they want but – I know – if I nailed it or missed it.

Creative in vinyl can be loud but it can also be very detailed and subtle. Layered vinyl. Patterns underneath a wrap. Gloss on matt and throw in some satin. Theres some great variety these days in automotive vinyls and making them dance together in a calm design or blatant display can be soooo satisfying. Obviously, like anything, we find each project dictated by not only the vision, products and canvas, but as well by the people in play on the project. The client, suppliers and helpers. Often times, grander is cut short through the process and unfortunately even at the beginning. By budget, contrasting vision, lack of trust, materials… but every project still holds a glimmer of amazement. When I see it, I grab it and save it. Hold onto it to swirl into a future design.

focus eh. I feel I’m on two ends of the word. Completely obscure, grasping at everything all the while in the moment taking what seems like eternity on the littlest detail. I’ve been all over the board finding satisfaction in any sort of mixed media. handling the finest detail is in my bag of tricks but replicating it over and over, day in and day out is not. So wheres my focus? Seriously, I am asking this right now. I talk above, about my interpretation of the satisfaction I gain in the automotive vinyl world but thats just juggling around the details to keep interest. I have multiple different personal projects, equipment and materials in a variety of genres slowly growing around me. I’m waiting to be spoken to. Am I too wound trying to find direction, that I’ve let slip the perfect path for me?

So, again I say, focus eh. No this isn’t some big lead up to me being Canadian. This is literally me talking it out to see if I can pull something from my words or spur on a new thought taking me closer in the direction I wish to find myself following. So I did mention the hinderance of people in the process and I do know I desire more personal art projects. Within paying the bills I don’t really keep on them and they sit there staring at me. The blank canvas, the full blocks of wood, uncarved wax, design sketches and an array of different materials sitting on the shelf. I know I’m answering my question so why do I find myself still talking about it instead of really putting my mind to work on these projects. I want to blame family, friends, work requirements, weather, home maintenance, pets, relationships, vehicle maintenance, health, exercise… stop… because I’m just saying life is getting in the way.

Lets see if I can answer this? Can I turn my creative projects into my life? I am a very practical and methodical individual and need definition to what I do. Funny I just said that as I have recently been exploring the open belief principal in all aspects of my life. Hmmmm. To not hold serious definition to anything and be open to growth, understanding and expression. Definitives are limiting. They instigate aggression, greed and control. Thats the thought wondering around up there. Up there, as in my mind. In case you were wondering.

So… I want to drop definition to find enlightenment. I want satisfaction to be found within daily routine that mixes with expression and not hindered by people, monetary requirement and production.

I’ve got it! Artist in a box on the street corner! Damn, I’m gunna have to work on a hybrid idea as I’m sure my wonderful, beautiful wife would prefer to come home to me then visit me on the corner. We’ll, as I’m trying not to define things these days, I’ll leave this open as the conversation may work itself out in my mind over time.

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the roux

Projects that I start – that I finish – that I quit – that fizzles – that excites. I feel like everything these days, probably… just like the rest of you, eludes me to what will peak my interest – keep my interest – or loose my interest. Or so I used to believe.

Wether you believe it or not, I’m much more focussed since my dietary change to Whole Food – Plant Based. I’m precise yet calm. Although, I felt I was before. The thing is, when your state becomes your norm, you think your normal. It’s quite clear we find ruts that become perceived as the way things are. A complete misinterpretation due to our minds and bodies inundated with poison still to this day believed to be acceptable. Or at least touted through media and popular culture, medicine, and animal agriculture propaganda as fuel we require.

I’m left making sense of all the different avenues I travelled down. Not really wanting to leave any of them in the past. I find myself juggling them all equally as I bring them further to completion. They all lead into each other and to bigger stories, so I feel I kinda have to. I do find myself up to it now too!

What about the ones I quite and can’t pick back up? Some great projects I dove right into and made some pretty sweet advancements. Projects that are no longer in my possession or no longer in existence. A beautiful 1984 VW GTi for example. Definitely a project car. One I imersed myself in. Designed a clean Recaro seat and had stitched up. A completely custom mk1 bezel chop and amalgamation of a VR cluster to accommodate the VR6 under the hood. Body work. Wrap and period specific graphics. Slimmed aluminum Bumpers and so on. With so much into it I decided to stop, sell and move on. How about another example. Jumped into upholstery. Head first with a tough mk6 GTI Recaro seat recover. Did the drivers seat twice just to get it right. Sold the car. Didn’t proceed.

Here in my writing might be the answer. I’ve heard said, “In art theres craft and in craft theres art. The craftsman looks for perfection and the artist pushes expression.” I’ve spent my time as an “adult”?! becoming part of the working world making things that please people. My mind really turns from instinct and creation. Pay the bills or free my mind though? Taught to pay the bills so guess we know how most months end.

I Couldn’t see this before. I Couldn’t see a lot before. Before Whole Food – Plant Based. So lets bring this jump around story together. I need to be able to be expressionistic. Yet, in the past, doing this through more crafts and skills was something that fell short for me because perfection was and is required. A contrast to what really satisfies me even though meticulous detail is something I have the patience for. I couldn’t see this as I was battling my body and my mind through every adventure. Now I’m positive about who I am. Healthier then I ever thought someone could be. Pulling all my current adventures into a pot. Sampling each one equally to find a balance to the roux. Keeping time to express myself. Providing enough craft for survival. Above all, not concerning myself too much with anything, as to not pick up Charlie when he comes around for attention and purr in my arms.